Sugar Daddy

It’s a mild understatement to say that I have a sweet tooth. In fact, it’s still an understatement to say that I have a raging addiction to sugary treats. Even as a young girl with a painfully selective palate, I had no problems eating a wide range of sweets– baked goods, licorice, chocolates, hard candies, gummy candies, frostings, and custards. When it came to sugar, I didn’t judge. Now, as an adult with a more– um– inclusive diet, I still welcome sweets of all kinds into my pantry. I’m like the United Nations of Confections.

Mmmm... ginger molasses cookies!

Something’s been nagging at me, though. Seriously– a lot of my nightmares for years now have involved choking on elaborately frosted baked goods. Death By Cupcakes. (No, I am not making that up.) I also experience a variety of afflictions– ranging from the ultra-mundane to the best-left-unmentioned– that I think might be linked to refined sugar intake. The idea scares and saddens me to an unreasonable extent (probably because I am a full-fledged sugar junkie), but I think I have to drastically reduce, if not eliminate, my consumption of refined and more heavily processed sugars.

CUPCAKES!!

As you all know, I’ve been trying to pay more attention to the food that goes into my body for the past few months. I’ve done a great job of taking out dairy products and upping my intake of fresh fruits and vegetables. (Mostly vegetables.) I’m attempting to eat in more often and to choose less processed and packaged foods when I can, although the reality of 14-hour days down on the causeway sometimes makes this difficult. Hello, Noodle Box!

My questions to myself are:

- How can I eat kale by the barrel full but still turn around and devour a 100g chocolate bar like it’s nothing at all? Without thinking, even?

- Why do I turn down goat’s cheese but say ‘yes, please!‘ to an assortment of vegan cupcakes? (Like dairy is automatically and always bad for me, but the vegan-ness of certain cupcakes cancels out their cupcakey-ness?)

- What makes it so hard for me to eat a moderate amount of sugar, instead of absolutely none at all or ALL THE SUGAR IN THE WORLD AT ONCE!!!?

And my questions to you, my dear readers, are:

- Have any of you ever taken sugar out of your diet successfully (and not welcomed it back soon afterward with slutty enthusiasm?) How, god, how?

- Did you have to take sugar out cold turkey, or was it actually possible to eat it in moderation? (And if the answer involves moderation, how was this humanly possible? Please share!!)

- Do you find that sugar intake (or a lack thereof) has a real impact on your health and well-being? How so?

And, finally:

- If you had to choose between a lemon coconut cupcake and a caramel truffle chocolate bar, would you choose the cupcake, the chocolate, or both?

Just kidding. I’d really like to kick my sugar habit. I just haven’t figured out how this is possible yet.

Another cupcake shot for good measure.

Office Politics

The past week has not been the best week in the history of my life. It all started when I learned through the office grapevine that Marty and I were being complained about by other vendors who have nothing better to do with their time and are looking for anything to blame for their own shortcomings felt that my presence on the causeway gave Marty an unfair sales advantage. (I know, right?) None of the complaining vendors had ever said anything in this respect to Marty or me personally– and Marty and I are definitely not breaking any rules or contractual items– but apparently the issue had escalated to the point where everybody was talking about it behind everyone else’s back. E-mails were sent (just not to us). The Harbour Authority was contacted. Certain vendors who had previously said hello and goodbye to us every day stopped saying anything at all in our presence. Other vendors took the high road and simply gave us The Stink Eye every time they passed by our booth. It was all very intense and emotionally exhausting.

Intellectually, I knew that we weren’t doing anything wrong and that people were maybe just jealous of our perceived AWESOME SALES. Perhaps the other vendors (like everyone else on the causeway this summer) were experiencing fewer sales than in past seasons and thought ‘Hey! Marty and Dana seem to be having a great time down here in spite of everything– making friends, meeting people, probably selling some artwork– it’s all their fault that I’m having a rough time!‘ (For the record: some of the vendors who filed complaints against us also file complaints against the whale watching companies and The Wax Museum for supposedly taking business away from their own booths. Because we all know that art and boating excursions compete for the exact same dollar, every time, without exception.)

Anyway.

I knew I shouldn’t take any of the gossip personally and that I should, to the contrary, be flattered by the other vendors’ petty fits of rage and jealousy admiration. But still. I actually took a lot of the fighting words to heart and felt pretty wounded because of them. I’m no different from anybody else: I want to be liked and make friends and please people. So to suddenly feel as though Marty and I had been targeted by the Vicious Spear of Doom & Gloom made the past week pretty tough. I didn’t feel as rested as I normally do on my precious six hours of sleep each night. I felt self-conscious at our booth and like I was being monitored by other vendors, who were probably collaborating and conspiring in secret to TAKE US DOWN AT THE FIRST HINT OF A RULES INFRACTION!! It was draining and self-defeating and depressing and IT WILL NOT HAPPEN ANYMORE.

Today, we’re taking the day off for a number of reasons, but mostly (from my perspective) so I can rebuild my armored coat of confidence. I’m tired of giving all of my power away to people who are just purple with jealousy and looking for excuses. I’m not interested in dealing with people who can’t voice their concerns like adults and who resort instead to gossip and rumours. Nope!

a) I love my partner, b) I love his artwork, c) I love my job (which coincidentally involves both my partner and his artwork), and d) I’m going to love rising above all of this office politics shit. Just you watch!

This sweet note was given to me by another vendor who had also been the target of petty complaints. When figuring out exactly what the note meant, Marty hollered "BLOW THEM AWAY!!" like he was Rambo or something, but I decided it just meant to soar higher and more brilliantly in the face of antagonism. And you?

The Goat Stampede

You all know that I was born and raised in fabulous Calgary, Alberta– right? Yes! The Calgary, Alberta: Host of the 1988 Winter Olympic Games! Canadian Capital of Urban Sprawl! Home of the infamous Calgary Stampede: yee-effin’-ha!

Lest I ever pine for the city of my youth, Victoria has its fair share of Stampede-like events, too. Remember the Oak Bay Tea Party? Just like the Stampede, except with fewer hay bales and fewer banks pretending to be wild west saloons. (And by ‘fewer,’ I mean ‘none.’) And then there is the Beacon Hill Park Goat Stampede, which gloriously takes place an incredible two times a day, to the delight and entertainment of petting zoo visitors everywhere! (And by ‘everywhere,’ I mean ‘in Beacon Hill Park.’)

Amazingly, I had never even heard of the Goat Stampede until our niece came to visit us a week and some ago. Apparently, though, this Goat Stampede is a big deal for local families and makes for great, wholesome fun on a weekday morning.

The Goat Stampede plays out like this:

1. Petting zoo opens and families rush into the park.

2. Families form a ‘human fence’ along a stretch of petting zoo property.

3. Petting zoo volunteer tells people to clap, make noise, and otherwise herd a bunch of stampeding goats into a pen.

4. Dozens of goats are released from a barn near the top of the park, and then they ‘stampede’ down to their petting zoo pen at the bottom of the park.

5. Merriment ensues!!

(I’m sure the first Goat Stampede was a total accident, in which a careless volunteer mistakenly let the goats out of the barn, but the visitors were like “Yay! Goats!”, and their clapping and noise-making inadvertently moved the goats where they needed to go anyway. Now it is a cherished Beacon Hill Park tradition that plays out twice daily with very low risks to small children. The stampeding goats are not really ‘stampeding,’ per se– or even ‘goats,’ per se. It’s more like pygmy goats trotting along in docile confusion and being lured with straw into a pen where they can be brushed and patted by kids.)

Anyway.

My mom, aunt, grandma, and I took Lily down to the park to see the Goat Stampede during her brief visit to Victoria. She thought the stampeding part of the Goat Stampede was just okay, but she sure enjoyed herself once the goats got into their petting pen.

Rule #1 at the Beacon Hill Park Petting Zoo is this:

Alas, most of the visitors to the petting zoo are under five years old and thus can’t read the rule. (I didn’t find a Rule #2– there was just the one). Immediately upon entering the pen, Lily proceeded to do this:

We, "The Adults", proceeded to take a few photos of this serious infraction of Rule #1 before informing Lily that she should put the goat down. Note the pink tutu. A perfect gift from Auntie Dana and Uncle Marty.

There was one goat in particular– Gemma– that Lily just loved. This goat gave kisses and spent a good five or ten minutes snuggling up to Lily’s face.

Then another baby goat got jealous of Gemma and tried to jump on Lily’s head to vie for her affections.

But there was enough love to go around! ALL BABY GOATS WON IN THE END!

The Goat Stampede (and the accompanying petting zoo) was actually pretty fun. Sure, I might have felt differently about being there if I didn’t have a three-year old in tow to justify my presence. But by my scientific calculations, Goat Stampede > Oak Bay Tea Party– By. Far. So if you are a Calgarian expat (or not) and are looking for a family-friendly, Stampede-like event in Victoria but can only choose one out of the Tea Party and the Goat Stampede, the choice is obvious. Goat Stampede Forever!!

Unrelated to the Goat Stampede. But doesn't this shot look like a paparazzi photo of Suri Cruise? It's my niece!

Dana and the Chocolate Factory

A few months ago, if you would have asked me my plans for a Monday morning at 10 o’clock, I probably would have said something boring and office-y like “print off weekly reports” or “apply payments”. Now that I am living my fabulous life as Marty’s new Director of Operations, though, my Monday mornings have a lot more zing to them!

This Monday morning, for example, Marty and I were invited to take a tour of the Rogers’ Chocolates Factory. (Full disclaimer: Marty was invited by Rogers’ to take a tour of the factory in order to get some inspiration for future commissions, and I was like ‘pleaze pleaze pleaze take me too!! OMG chocolate!!’, so I got to tag along as well. Begging always helps.)

I had seen a tour of the Bernard Callebaut factory back in Calgary many moons ago, but it was nothing like the tour we received on Monday. You see, the Callebaut tour was scheduled on the hour, every hour, and if you decided to show up, it basically involved being herded along with the general public through a corridor with windows that allowed you to watch chocolate being made from afar. This tour on Monday was totally different. Completely and utterly different.

First off, the Rogers’ Chocolate Factory is not open for public tours– you have to be invited. Secondly, this tour involved lab coats, hair nets, and a doffing of all jewelry, meaning that we were actually in the factory. No distant learning for us! Thirdly (and most importantly, in my chocolate-loving mind), this tour involved a lot of– ahem– quality control and sampling. Rogers’ is committed to upholding the very highest of chocolate standards, and Marty and I were consulted on several occasions during the tour to ensure that our discerning palates responded well to the chocolates being made. YUM!!

Conveyer belts of CHOCOLATE! Exactly what you would expect on a chocolate factory tour

We arrived to the factory at 10 o’clock on Monday morning, and we immediately changed into lab coats and red hair nets (to identify us as visitors). We had been told to wear long pants, closed toed shoes, and to remove any jewelry beforehand. This was serious stuff.

The pinnacle of class. This is me pretending to do serious chocolate factory work at the enrobing machine.

The first order of business was to choose and eat a chocolate-coated ice cream bar. Sadly, my dairy allergy prevented me from taking part in this coveted ritual, but Marty assured me that the Coconut Macaroon bar was delicious and that he was contemplating having one every morning as a late, after-breakfast snack.

We took a tour of the freezers and refrigerators, and we nearly died from the sweet aroma of melting chocolate in the melting room. (Yes, they have a melting ROOM!) We saw the enrobing machine for making cream-filled chocolates and truffles. We watched chocolate molds be put on a vibrating table to get all of the air bubbles out. I was totally fascinated by the whole experience while simultaneously being grateful that I do not work at a chocolate factory, lest I gain 8 million pounds in a matter of months. I know no moderation.

Caramel truffle bars being made.

The enrobing machine in action!

Et voila! Enrobed chocolate creams!

We saw truffles being foiled, other chocolates being hand-wrapped, and my favourite part: raspberry cream filling being made. Even though the cream is (obviously) chock-full of dairy, I wished I could just grab a handful of it off the stirring machine and eat it like nobody’s business. Adult-onset diabetes, here I come!!

Raspberry flavour being added to a whole vat of cream filling

The stirring begins

The cooling transformation takes place at an astonishing speed!

This is what I would eat by the grubby handful, were I not so reserved and ladylike

We ate more samples, marveled at more chocolate-making machines, and then asked the most serious of questions:

Why is the Dark Chocolate Mint Bar being discontinued?

I learned that my favourite flavour is being pushed aside to accommodate some of the new, organic chocolates with tea essences and flavours. So basically, Earl Grey Chocolate is shoving my beloved Dark Mint Bar aside. The sadness of it all…

But on the upside, the factory has a whole schwack of discontinued Dark Mint bars available for sale in the gift shop, at 50 freaking percent off!!! So I stocked up on the way home. On twenty (yes, 2-0) bars. This is me being lightening-quick with my transaction and pretending it never even happened:

What twenty dark chocolate bars?

In sum: Best. Monday. Ever.