I have many endearing qualities, but the fact that I watch The Bachelor is not one of them. Marty and I watch it together, scoffing at its ridiculousness and over-the-top cheesiness the whole way through. If somebody were to spy on our Bachelor-watching sessions, more often than not they would hear exasperated “Oh, please!“s and “Yeah right, give me a break!“s. But we don’t stop watching it. We tune in devotedly every Monday night and take a 2-hour break from reality. (After all, that’s what Reality TV is for… right?)
What? You don't wear a bikini and tube socks when *you* go skiing?
We are still fairly new to the whole Bachelor scene (I promise), but already it’s apparent that the producers of the show recycle Amazing Date ideas from season to season. Inevitably, the contestant with a deathly fear of heights is selected to go rappelling off a skyscraper or climbing up the city’s tallest bridge, high above roaring rush-hour traffic; somebody usually gets a private concert from a lame, desperate-for-publicity band; helicopter rides are a regular occurrence (especially for the contestants who are afraid of flying); and one lucky girl or guy always gets a personal fireworks show on their date, while the rest of the contestants view the spectacle morosely from the comforts of their shared, 5-star hotel suite. Promotional considerations supplied by Fairmont Hotels and the all-new 2012 Honda CRV...
Well. I don’t have any private concerts to report, and it’s been a while since Marty arranged us our own, personal fireworks show. However, we did have some outdoor adventures recently, when our lakeside community was walloped with an Epic Amount of Snow. Occasionally I wish we had a video camera so that I could post ludicrous vlogs, like an professionally-edited Bachelor spoof. Alas. We only have a point and shoot camera and some rudimentary knowledge of Photoshop, so you’ll have to endure a storyboard-style recollection of our recent Bachelor-worthy dates. 
(If you don’t think you can tolerate stilted Bachelor dialogue for the rest of this post, allow me to summarize the plot: It snowed. Marty and I played outside. Yer welcome. Now just enjoy the pictures. Everyone else, get ready for The Bachelor Season 17: Creating Beautiful Magic with Marty M.!)
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Dana: I get to go on a one-on-one date today with Marty, and I’m so excited! The date card said “Let’s get our relationship on the right track”, and I honestly have no idea what that means… Are there any race tracks in the area? God, I hope not! Maybe we’ll be running on the high school track…? I should probably dress sporty.
Marty: I decided to ask Dana on the one-on-one date today, and I’m hoping that I can see a different side of her personality. She seems to be a very serious woman, which is great, but I’m also looking for somebody who can just have fun and who has the ability to laugh at herself. Hopefully, this lighter side of Dana can shine through when it’s just the two of us together. I’m looking forward to it!
Literally right outside the kitchen
Dana: So, Marty comes to pick me up for our date, and he just straps on snowshoes right outside the door! I couldn’t believe it– apparently we’re going snowshoeing! I couldn’t be more excited about this date. Marty brings out aspects of me that I haven’t been in touch with for a very long time, and I’m hopeful that this one-on-one date could be the start of something really special…
The docks were completely frozen over
The Kinsol Trestle, covered in snow
Marty: Today, I’m taking Dana snowshoeing along the old railroad tracks at the lake, and we’ll also take a detour along the historic Kinsol Trestle. The weather couldn’t be more perfect today: we got a ton of snowfall overnight, and the conditions are great for some epic snowshoeing. I can’t wait to see this girl in action!
Action shot! (I know, I make it look easy...)
Dana: Snowshoeing with Marty is so amazing! We have such a great connection together, and being outdoors alongside this beautiful lake– with fresh snow everywhere and no one else around– feels very magical. It’s like we have this Winter Wonderland all to ourselves. What better place to fall in love?
Is that love on the horizon? The vanishing point of my heart?
Marty: I have to say, I’m really impressed with Dana’s ability to snowshoe. She told me that she’s more of a gym rat than an outdoorsy-type woman, but she’s really giving it on those snowshoes! This is a side of her that I haven’t seen before and, I don’t know– it just feels right. We’re laughing and having a good time together– our conversations feel natural and spontaneous. I could easily see myself developing feelings for Dana.
A match made on reality TV...
Dana: Marty is such a wonderful person! Seeing him in his element– outside, being athletic, really opening up and letting his guard down– is so special to me. I could really see myself being with him. We could definitely be on the right track to love! [giddy, lovestruck smile]
Disaster strikes? We'll be back after a short commercial break...
Epic meltdown??
Marty: Everything was going smoothly on this date. I could tell that Dana was feeling more relaxed, and that was great. But then… we came upon a bridge, and Dana confessed that she felt afraid to cross it. There was a freezing river running beneath the bridge, and I could tell that Dana was nervous about falling in. I wanted to let her know that she was safe and that we could face this fear together, but the words escaped me in the moment. So I did the only thing that I could do: I kissed her.
Kinsol Trestle is for lovers!
Dana: [delirious] Kissing Marty… on that bridge… was like a dream. I had been so afraid of falling into the water, but when Marty kissed me, I felt like he was giving me courage. I felt safe! We crossed that bridge together, hand in hand, and if we can get through that, I really think that our relationship can handle anything.
Marty: Facing your fears is a big part of falling in love. You really do have to let your guard down and just trust that everything will be okay in the end. Conquering a fear today brought Dana and I closer together. We really bonded on that bridge, and… I don’t know… I just have the biggest smile on my face right now! I can really see myself being in a relationship with Dana. She’s smart, she’s willing to try new things, and she also looks cute in hand-knit elf hats!
We ended up hiking and snowshoeing about 25km (15.5 miles) over three days during the Epic Snowfall. Then the rain came again and turned everything into gigantic (and gross!) puddles of slush. Not to worry, though– I got a rose and survived another Rose Ceremony. Maybe next week I’ll get to swim with stingrays, descend into a cave, or wander around a private amusement park on my quest to find magical love with Marty M. Â
So sweet Dana! I need to pass this alOng as an instruction guide for Spouse!
If only *all* conversations could be mysterious and open-ended, a la “The Bachelor”. I can picture hearts swooning everywhere.
“I’m really impressed with Dana’s ability to snowshoe.”
You guys are adorable!!! So funny… (and I don’t even watch The Bachelor!)
Well, Dominique, after reading this post, you don’t even NEED to watch The Bachelor. I’ve basically summed up everything that usually gets said, minus the bitchy between-girl drama.
Maybe I could have thrown in a few “It’s HARD”s, just to make it more true to the show.
That was an awesome post!!! The pictures were so cute but the comentaty really was hilarious! I cant wait to tune in next week to see who wins. Ps you are gracing my presence through my kindle its awesome!!
Haha, thanks for appreciating my silliness!
I really *was* scared to cross this one bridge while we were snowshoeing, so Marty came back and held my hand as we crossed it together. Immediately, we were both joking around, saying “If we can do THIS, our relationship can handle anything!” Then the idea for this post was born…
I saw exactly 8 minutes of The Bachelor last week at my mom’s house. Dude was giving away roses. One girl was making anguished faces for the camera and another girl dramatically fainted. It was fascinating. And odd.
Your version is way better.
P.S.I love the hand-knit elf hat. Don’t you want to share that pattern?
Those particular 8 minutes *were* over the top, even for The Bachelor. But I agree– my version is better, plus you don’t have to sit through all the commercials.
I’ll e-mail you the pattern for the hat later this morning. It’s super easy to knit and looks cute, too!
Hehe what a fun idea for a post! By the way I agree that the Bachelor series is cheesy but somehow I find myself drawn to it… Glad you enjoyed the snow!
I don’t have many vices, but watching The Bachelor is definitely one of them. I don’t even know how we got started on it, but we’ve been along for the ride since Jake’s season. (We missed Ashley’s season but somehow, life went on! The world kept turning, even!)
Glad you liked this post. I was feeling silly when I wrote it, but in a good way.
Dana, this post deserves to be Freshly Pressed! It is magnificent. Have never seen the Bachelor so can’t comment on that part….but, gosh, girl, your photos (or Marty’s photos?) are stunning. I love, love, love the one of the snow in the boat. You have a great eye. Great writer, great photographer, great romance!
Aw, thanks Kathy! I appreciate the compliment! The boat shot was actually mine (huzzah!), so I’ll do a little happy dance that it was your favourite one in this post. Other than that, all the shots of me were taken by Marty (obviously) and vice versa.
Trust me when I say that there is NO NEED to ever watch The Bachelor. Marty and I use the 2 hours mostly as an opportunity to boo and hiss excessively. Think of every romantic cliché you’ve ever encountered, string them all together as dialogue, mix in some implausible dating scenarios and catty drama between contestants, and voila! You’ve got the makings of The Bachelor.
This is hilarious! I have watched a few episodes of the bachelor in the past and find it so ridiculously cheesy, it’s hard to take. But to watch it with someone else who enjoys making fun of it as much as you do? I see a future there.
LOVEA the date commentary, but I have one question? Why didn’t you wear your bikini?
Oh, I was wearing my bikini underneath the down jacket and snow pants. The producers must have edited out all the skimpy clothing footage for some reason… Hahaha.
I don’t think I could watch The Bachelor on my own. It’s way better watching it with someone else who can jeer and roll their eyes with the best of them.
Great post, Dana. I love the snow photos, your commentary, and I, too, have never watched the Bachelor.
Glad you enjoyed the snow. I guess the Bachelor is on tonight. Maybe Sara and I will give it a go.
Hugs,
Kathy
DANGER, WILL ROBINSON– DANGER!! If you have never seen The Bachelor before, I would *not* recommend it! Imagine my post being crafted in all seriousness and you’ve got The Bachelor. Nothing is tongue-in-cheek or ironic. Only try watching it if you need to let off some serious sarcasm with Sara… (Marty and I find that aspect of the show highly therapeutic!)
Hahaha. But was there a hot tub scene? If The Bachelor’s taught me anything it’s that true love happens in hot tubs…crowded with twenty 20-year-olds and booze. Also? I said a little beggy bloggy prayer that this gets Freshly Pressed. I think there’s a whole world of dopey bachelors who could use a lesson from Marty!
That’s another reason why I could never be on the real Bachelor show. I hate hot tubs!! Taking a gigantic bath with a bunch of other ladies in bikinis? I think not! (Though our cabin DOES have a hot tub… even though it’s empty and we never use it. I should re-post with some unrelated hot tub shots. Thanks for the tip… and thanks for the bloggy FP prayer, too!)
Bachelor North pilot !
” Under these parkas, toques, scarves and gloves we are naked “
Hahaha– So true. Our date was pretty G-rated in the scope of The Bachelor. And we didn’t even get flown onto the Trestle via helicopter! I demand a re-shoot.
This was a fabulous post. What a great idea…loved the photos and the comments. Very sweet. I have watched one episode of that show last season (it was the finale) and I have to admit I was sucked right into the drama as well. maybe I’ll have to start watching it again!
I’m sure there are a million other things to do that would be more productive and life-enhancing, but 2 hours of my week go straight down that Bachelor toilet.
I figured that the Bachelor-esque captions to the photos would be more interesting to read than a post that just said “Look! We played in the snow!” Thanks for the compliment– glad you enjoyed the post.
great great great post. and I did read every line. We sometimes watch shows like that and yell at the tv and make fun. you are going to have to let us all know if you get a rose next week.
Even though Marty can’t fully disclose his feelings for me on TV until the final week (when he proposes, obviously), I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that I’ll be getting a rose next week, too.
Glad you enjoyed the post!
I’m a hopeless romantic, but non-Bachelor-watcher, and this was a wonderful post, Dana! Just about the cutest darned thing I’ve ever read on a blog. Seriously!! Your pictures and writing were spot-on in capturing the pseudo-Bachelor feeling, and also the REAL reality of your relationship. I’m going to throw this out there on twitter – now that I’m learning it – and follow you on twitter if you have an account there. BEAUTIFUL, my friend, really!!
Dana, do you have a twitter account? If so, what is it? Thanks.
No twitter yet. Alas. All I have is my regular old FB account (Dana Machacek). I’m not the most technological person on this planet.
Aw, I’m touched! I’m still not on Twitter (hardly a master of Facebook either), but feel free to throw this out to the online universe however possible. I appreciate it!
What timing! For those of you who missed the riveting episode on Monday night, there was a helicopter ride, a private concert, AND a rappelling date into a giant crater. Did I call it or did I call it?
The network heads must be reading your blog;
http://www.torontosun.com/2012/01/23/the-bachelor-coming-to-canada
Yeah, I’m sure my blog is a daily read for network heads of all types.
Too funny about an upcoming Canadian Bachelor– I don’t think I’ll sign up to be cast as a competing Bachelorette (being married and all, you know), but I wouldn’t mind being Canada’s version of Chris Harrison (the host). I was just telling somebody this morning (for real) that I’ve already mastered the host lines. I’d be PERFECT for the host job! Network heads: give me a call!
I never thought I’d say I was glad I’ve watching The Bachelor at least once, but I am because I might not have appreciated this post as much without knowledge of the program and how things tend to go on there.
Wonderfully done, Dana! I laughed, I cried, I oooh’d, I ahhh’d. It was just like the show.
(Seriously, this is a wonderful and clever post.)
Thanks, Robin! I agree that seeing at least part of one episode of The Bachelor makes this post resonate so much more.
When I (shamefully) tuned in to see this week’s episode on TV, I giggled because the intro sounded like they were reading my post verbatim. The non-committal “this could be it”s, the vague “I could be developing feelings for…”s, and the ubiquitous “I’m looking forward to it!”s were all there. Glad to hear you enjoyed this post! 