In my ongoing quest to stop sleeping (and also to overcome bronchitis), Marty and I watched a Morgan Spurlock documentary, The Greatest Movie Ever Sold. For those of you who haven’t had the privilege of watching the most random movies that Netflix has to offer, this film followed Spurlock on a quest to obtain corporate sponsors for his latest movie, which just so happened to be a film about product placement and securing sponsorship for a movie. Go figure!
Many companies signed on as sponsors for the film, but each company served Spurlock with a lengthy list of specific conditions that had to be met before they would agree to back the movie. For example, only the title sponsor’s beverage could be consumed on film. A scene with Spurlock enjoying another sponsor’s frozen pizza had to be included in the movie. He had to conduct on-camera interviews while being seated in the premises of other sponsors, etc., etc.. What started as an awesome-sounding way to have his movie paid for became a logistically challenging nightmare. Was it possible for Spurlock to please every signed-on corporation but still maintain a shred of creative direction in the film, not to mention his personal integrity and dignity overall?
As if I’d ever tell.
Since I often excel at Missing the Point, when we started watching this movie, I immediately compiled a mental list of all the companies I wouldn’t mind shilling for in exchange for a tiny piece of my soul. Fluevog Shoes was an obvious first choice, followed closely by Zenka eyewear and then a handful of local stores here in Victoria (Smoking Lily for killer women’s clothes and Cafe Bliss for the best restaurant salad known to humankind.) Finding myself on a roll, I figured I could also be the unexpected spokeswoman for WordPress (Me and my underdog blog!), and I’d happily be the face of a thrift store in exchange for new-to-me outfits. Heck, I’d even pour my heart into promoting Mason Jars (which I love!) or organic lemons, although I’m not sure a jar contract would be the hippest or most lucrative sponsorship opportunity available in the world. (That said, the Mason Jar contract might be the coolest and most lucrative sponsorship opportunity available to me. Wayne Gretzky, I am not. But while we’re on a Wayne Tangent, I happened to spot him on a package of green tea at the grocery store recently. Schlepping for Mason Jars would be on par with posing for a box of green tea, methinks. But would I be offered as much money as Wayne? Highly doubtful.)
Image of the Great One via www.bigelowtea.com. Seriously, Wayne?
(I suppose I should clarify at this point that I do not receive anything from any of these companies, unless an enzymatic pick-me-up from a lemon every morning counts as sponsorship. Last time I checked, it didn’t. I do not receive monetary or in-kind payment from any of the above-mentioned companies, but if they were interested in owning a little piece of my soul moving forward, I just might oblige! 
)
*Note to companies that might be interested in sponsoring me in the future– please do not continue reading this post. Your time on this post is officially done. Thanks! For non-corporate readers, feel free to continue reading below.
The fact is, for most companies and products, I would probably make a terrible spokesperson. (Yes, I’m one of those people who prefers potential sponsorship contracts to line up with my pesky set of core values.) If I were a professional athlete– I know it’s a stretch but stay with me on this one– I wouldn’t feel right being the face of a fast food restaurant or a sugary breakfast cereal. If I were a high-powered celebrity– again, bear with me– I certainly wouldn’t be the one with a milk mustache in the magazine ads. (Squeezing a lemon, though? Sure thing! Call me, organic citrus industry!) I know that junk food is where most/all of the sponsorship money is, but who’s to say that an obscure French eyeglasses company wouldn’t want a little schlepping? And maybe the Mason Jar industry could use a little boosting with the under-75 crowd? 
I’m really good at saying nice things about the people, products, and companies I believe in, but maybe it’s just because it’s way easier to be passionate about something when you’re telling the truth. (Case in point: during our crazy summers at the Harbour, people tell me every day that I’m a great spokesperson for our art business. Um, you think? Not to take away from the actual artwork, but saying nice things about my husband is a real no-brainer, people.) Would accepting money or gifts from companies to say those same nice things about them compromise my values or dilute my personal integrity? I wouldn’t know from personal experience, but it seems like the line between making a go at life via legitimate sponsors and plain old selling out is a very fine one.
What say you, readers?
Is there a product or company you’d gladly slap your face, signature, or tiny piece of your soul on?
Is sponsorship ever a good thing?
Do you think the Mason Jar people will call me?
Where do I begin:
Nike shoes
Diet Pepsi
Levi’s Jeans
Basketballs – Spalding probably
Atkins – low carb protein bars
Costco
Goodwill stores
Anything BACON!
Red Lobster
Fusion Razor
Hmmm, I’m sure there are others I’m forgetting!
If the Bacon Industry happens to contact me (which, I’ll admit, is highly unlikely– given that I’m a self-professed Almost Vegan), I will steer them in your direction, MJ! Can you do the same for me if the Sock Wool Industry comes ringing on your doorbell by mistake? (I forgot to mention in this post that I heart self-patterning sock wools.)
Yes, I will, Dana. And if I have any woolen sock around, you can have them. Not cold enough here, and they are too itchy for me!
I’m with MJ on the Nike shoes!!!
I would also sell a piece of my soul to:
Maninis Gluten-Free
Any Fruit or Veggie farm
Canon
For some reason, this comment ended up in my spam filter– I wonder why?
Anyway, I would happily exchange my soul to support a local fruit/veggie farm, too. I wouldn’t even need to get paid in actual dollars– fresh produce would more than suffice!
Agreed!
You crack me up. Love your “ads.” lol!
You’ll have to fight me for Mason Jars. Or maybe we can share. Other products I would gladly endorse:
Tea (any kind)
Tempeh
My favorite Kalamata olive oil
Bookstores
Canon (if they pay me by giving me my dream camera and lenses)
Kodak (even though they’re going bankrupts because that’s the brand of camera I currently use and it has always done a good job for me)
And whatever company it is that makes my favorite thick socks (as pictured in my Gravatar). I buy them at a Gold Toe Sock outlet store, but not sure Gold Toe makes them.
I would probably endorse Yogi tea brand, but not if my mug ends up on the box like poor Wayne… “Dana’s Darjeeling” has a bit of a ring to it, no? (even though I prefer herbal teas)
I can just picture you as the Tempeh spokeswoman. I’m sure there’s a lot of money in that, too.
Teavana
Bombay House
Kupcakez
Hobby Lobby
Those are the businesses I could promote with near religious fervor.
Perhaps the bigwigs at any of these companies will read this post and beg me for your contact info! Them: “We need somebody who can promote Kupcakez with near religious fervor!”, Me: “Have I got just the person for you!”
I do take a small finder’s fee, but I’m sure it will seem like a pittance to the riches you can earn schlepping tasty baked treats.
I also back the colour pink, as included in the photo in your post. Other ones to sponsor include:
happiness
Tetley Tea
hugs
hugs for my friend Dana
OK, you can have Tetley and I’ll take Yogi. Anybody want to cover Celestial Seasonings or Stash? Tazo? Anyone? Bigelow’s already been covered by Wayne, so no worries.
Sponsorship, you ask?
Gosh, what a tough question this morning. I don’t think I know the names of any companies. Note to self: shame on you, not paying attention to company names!
OK, thinking again.
Our favorite restaurants,
Tea (like Robin) although I tried lemon/ginger/honey tea last night and that was so good
Bookstores.
And I’m stealing Christy’s ideas. Hugs for Dana!
(As always, way funny, my friend. And when you’re working for WordPress can we bribe you–errr, support you–to consider us for Freshly Pressed?)
Haha, Kathy– I’m sure nobody will notice when only those people on my blogroll or subscription list show up repeatedly on the FP page!
I’m sure I can pull a few strings. After all, I’m an asset to WordPress, no?
What’s with everyone and the teas?
Poor Wayne Gretzky… I thought that ad was fake, like the box of cow one from your other post.
I’m super loyal to several brands, actually, but I feel strangely uncomfortable writing them down… like I don’t want to admit to ANYONE that I buy ANYTHING!
I’m sure Wayne wishes the ad was fake, too, but I’m sure if you head to the tea aisle of your local market, you’ll see the boxes for yourself, plain as day.
I had a hard enough time admitting to loving my glasses in this post, so I can understand your shyness. Me? A consumer? God no! In my attempt to be uber-selective, I only listed the brands that I was pretty sure didn’t employ super-sketchy labour practices or other forms of workplace tyranny here. That’s what I mean about the core values. I might (occasionally) (maybe) buy some products that aren’t 100% cool when it comes to the Big Picture (and yes, I have shopped at evil big box stores before), but putting my face onto them in exchange for money or products would be taking it way too far.
MJ whipped out a killer list, so mine will now look dinky by default. Simple answer? I’d represent CAKE and NAPS in exchange for a lifetime supply of both
Cake and naps sounds pretty good. I’d personally be selective about the cakes I’d represent, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t promote cake if given the chance!
You make it sound like selling your very soul to Madison Avenue in exchange for a lucrative deal would be a BAD thing. (Cocoa SUgar Bombs executives? Call me. We’ll talk.)
*COULD BE* a bad thing. Not definitely. But could be.
Maybe, after your latest potluck expedition, you could represent the canned bean industry of America? You seem to have plenty of experience now.
You know who I like? Telus.
I know. But they have always been good to me and they do tons of good things in the community. I also like Royal Bank.
I know.
Haha. This comment made me laugh– totally not what I expected! I wish I could say I liked ANY phone/cable provider, but I haven’t yet found one that doesn’t infuriate me at least 10% of the time.
It might be a bit premature, but I think I can safely say now … I am only days from signing on for my image to replace the Nesquik rabbit.
My fingers are crossed, but If that should fall through, I have Lipitor (TM) waiting in the wings.
Oh dear, Dean! You’ll be just like Paula Deen signing on to be the face of that diabetes drug. Hmm… Dean/Deen– I think there’s a link between the name and connections to the drug industry. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the Nesquik contract.
Fage for me.
My cats will happily endorse Greenies and the entire peacock feather industry.
Your endorsements are working already! I had no idea what Fage was and had to look it up on the internet. One extra hit for the Fage website today! (Granted, I don’t think my dairy allergies are going away anytime soon, so I won’t actually EAT it, but your cunning promotions have increased product awareness for the company by a factor of 1 today.) You deserve a raise.
I also thought the Wayne tea was a fake. Geeze Wayne ya don’t have enough money. Not creditable at all. Wayne for sporting goods yes of course, team sports and non profit for me all believable but the tea for me is a money grab.
Thanks Dana, another great post.
On the plus side, at least slapping your face on a box of green tea makes more sense for a former athlete than being sponsored by McDonald’s. I always cringe when I see some professional or Olympic athlete biting into a hamburger or shoving a handful of fries into their mouth…
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