… at least I hope I’ve come a long way, anyway…
Sunday is my 27th birthday! To celebrate, we’re heading out to Tofino for the first time ever!!
Even though this birthday isn’t particularly momentous in terms of reaching a so-called ‘milestone’ age, it is pretty exciting from my perspective because it’s the first birthday in a long time where I haven’t been seriously depressed or feeling like I should have already ‘made it’ in the world. (Here I go, about to blame bad things on grad school again…) During school, I suddenly started feeling very old and noticeably unaccomplished in life. At the tender age of 23-25ish, I felt like a giant underachiever because I hadn’t yet published any articles in academic journals, and of course I imagined that the rest of my life– my very future and happiness– depended on my having published at least one article by yesterday or the day before that. And seeing as I hadn’t (and still haven’t) published anything, it could only mean that I was a useless waste of an academic and, by default, a useless waste of a person. One birthday in particular (my 24th), I spent the day at home, weeping like a stereotypical miserable housewife and feeling sorry for myself. All day. (It was the school, I swear.)
Unfortunately, Marty has only really known me during the years when I was feeling hopelessly inadequate and like the biggest failure of all twenty-somethings on my birthdays. (I know, positively dripping with emo and teenage angst). Birthdays (and by ‘birthdays’, I mean my birthday in particular) came to be a day we’d tiptoe around, lest we unleash the demon of residual teenage angst and another flood of tears. It was bad, I tell you– bleak and very bad.
Things are different now, though. I promise. It’s taken me a good long time (2 and some years since graduating!), but I finally feel like my cheerful old self again, and secretly, I’m so excited to celebrate my birthday this time around! TOFINO!!! I’m not sure Marty will know how to react, because this whole ‘me being cheerful and excited about my birthday’ is new to him. And to me. At least new in terms of the recent past. I don’t know when or how I realized that I didn’t have to have everything figured out or accomplished in life before I hit my thirties, but it happened, and for that, I’m extremely thankful.
Anyway (to cut a long and depressing preamble short), we won’t be back until next Tuesday evening, but I welcome (and encourage!) you all to post birthday wishes while I’m away! (hint, hint, wink, wink!)
HOORAY FOR BIRTHDAYS!!!
P.S.: I still haven’t figured out how to post photos to this newfangled blogging software (must have to turn 28 before it all makes sense), so you’ll have to go without my Grade 5 class picture for now. I know how disappointing it is for everyone…
Update: I figured it out. Not too hard, even for an almost 27 year old. And now we can all bask in the big-headed glory of my Grade 5 school photo! Double huzzah!