Adaptation

Getting back into a routine can be tough work, especially when that routine doesn’t make your heart sing anything but wailing, syrupy songs about the life that could have been… Perhaps I should take up a new career writing sappy country song lyrics? “Truth be told/ I’m growing old/ That house had mould…” La la la la la

Um, hello! How have you guys been the past few days? 🙂

Me: I am struggling a bit to get back to the place (and pace) I used to be at. My heart, mind, and soul have all just drifted some place else. I keep having these silly conversations with the universe, asking for some sort of sign. Should I stay or should I go? And then all of these signs come flowing into my daily experiences, but then I don’t know if I’m misreading them or reading things that aren’t really there. You know? So I demand clearer signs. “Dear Universe: Please send me a sign that is impossible to ignore or misinterpret, but please make it a pleasant sign so nobody gets sick or dies. I am tired of all of these taxing changes. Thx! Love, Dana L.”

When the hell did I become this sort of person?

In any case, I am managing at work and trying to rebuild the trust in my competence that was clearly shattered when I took time off. It will be a process, that’s for sure, and in the meantime, I’m scrambling to find reasons why I don’t need to go through this process. I will become an entrepreneur, yes! I will make it as a best-selling author and show everyone. I will win the lotto and won’t need to deal with any of this crap anymore. Just you wait: I’m going to make it after all! (sing in Mary Tyler Moore show voice)

Yes.

If anything, we can all take solace in the fact that I am obviously still a drama queen with a penchant for PAIN and SUFFERING. That means things are normal, right? Same old, same old…

One response

  1. Strikes me that you have had some very real ‘distractions’, and once you get back to focusing on your work, your confidence will return.
    Longer term considerations can always be done ‘after hours’.
    Head in the Stars, feet on the Ground Dean

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