The Call: Part 2

If Over-Thinking Everything is anything like karate, I’m totally a black belt by now. I’ve literally spent years turning tentative answers into infinite questions, and every time I seem to settle on ‘a solution’ to the mystery of my life’s calling, hi-ya! I judo kick open the door to irksome follow-up questions, namely “How?”, “How?”, “How?”, and “How?”

If it isn't obvious, I'm approaching the camera with the stealth and cunning of a ninja, ready to side kick my intuition to the curb and be an Over-Thinking Wizard for eternity!

If it isn’t obvious from this photo, I’m approaching the camera with the stealth and cunning of a ninja, ready to side kick my intuition to the curb and be an Over-Thinking Wizard for eternity!

Occasionally, I surprise myself by declaring “I’ll do this with my life!”, jolting myself into the unfamiliar territory of quiet certainty. Seconds later, though: Hi-ya! With the deftness and skill of a martial arts sensei, I return to the realm of interrogation and blast the Left Brain Soundtrack again, “How?”, “How?”, “How?”, and “How?”

The mystery that has dogged me for years is this:

I believe I am meant to be in the healing and helping professions… but how? 

Please, seagull on the beach. Teach me the answers to the mysteries of life...

Please, seagull on the beach. Teach me the answers to the mysteries of life…

Sigh. I’ve tried calculating the number of hours I’ll need to invest in further training, the number of dollars I’ll need in my bank account to fund said further training, and the number of certificates I’ll need in frames on my wall before I feel confident enough to just… do something helpful and healing with my life. (I know– cool and classy, right?)

Thankfully, I only had to run in circles for 32.5 years of my life before the Universe finally took pity on my harried self. Stellar report cards aside, it probably mused to itself, This Dana girl sure is a Slow Learner. I suppose that instead of telling her the same “healing and helping professions” message– which she is clearly not getting– we’re going to have to make things a little more simple for her.

This is when I came across Juliet*, a supremely amazing woman in Australia who offers palm reading, astrological chart reading, tarot card spreads, and generous intuitive wisdom. I’ve never met her in person before, but I stumbled across a thread of hers in the world wide web, let her know my date and time of birth on a whim, sent her some photos of my palms and fingertips, and soon received a recording of her intuitive reading in my inbox.

My astrological chart! SO COOL!

Plus my own, honest-to-god astrological chart! SO COOL!

The recording itself was about an hour long (and it totally made me cry, just so you know. Tears of being ‘seen’ and understood by someone I had never met, who lives halfway across the globe from me.) Anyway, here’s what came up a whole lot in the session:

You are a healer.

Not, You belong in the healing and helping professions.

Not, You should train to become something healing and/or helping in the near or distant future.

Not, You should become a Psychologist.

Not, You should get a degree in Clinical Counseling.

Not, You need to earn another certificate to put on your wall.

No: You are a healer. Now! Today! Right at this very moment!

Yes, you near the church bulletin board dressed in all black: YOU ARE A HEALER!

Yes, you near the bulletin board dressed in all black: YOU ARE A HEALER! (Be angry about it if you must, but do not sin.)

Wowza. I’d like to say that I listened to Juliet’s recording, snapped to my senses immediately, and promptly hung a “Healer: Open For Business” shingle on my door. But… I obviously didn’t. Instead, my eyes widened in alarm at the sheer magnitude of that word: healer. It felt too big for me– and I felt too awkward and clumsy for it– like trying to clomp around in my mom’s high heels when I was five years old. A recipe for disaster and twisted ankles!

Nonetheless, something inside of me shifted.

I stopped thinking about becoming a Psychiatrist or getting a Ph.D. in Metaphysics. (Granted, I did start a loose apprenticeship under an incredible EFT Wizard and Energetic Magician– not his real title, obviously– and I did enroll in a beta coaching training program, but at least I was no longer waiting around for some higher-sanctioned being to mysteriously grant me a degree in Good Enough. Baby steps, right?)

Anyway. I teetered on the edge of getting my shit together and diving into the world of Being A Healer for several months. I contemplated. I hesitated. But… I still didn’t ‘get’ it. I didn’t understand what it meant to Be A Healer or– more importantly– how on god’s green earth could do that. On days when I was feeling particularly confused and fragile, my mean-spirited side would imagine printing up business cards– “Dana M., Healer” typed on the front in a matter-of-fact font– and then I’d dissolve into a puddle of shame and mortification. Who the hell am I to be a healer?, I’d ask myself. That’s too big and I’m too small.

(At this point, I’m sure the Universe was shaking its head in disbelief at me. Woman! Are you serious? Gah. We’ll try this one more time…)

One. More. Time.

Angel wing shells: One. More. Time.

So, in the spirit of lifelong learning, I was sent yet another amazing teacher and mentor– fingers crossed for actual understanding of the message this time! Ha. This time around, universal insights and nourishing droplets of soul nectar came to me in the form of Dr. Divi Chandna— my mom’s GP as well as a bonafide Medical Intuitive. We had a session over Skype, and here’s what she said to me (in bold-faced caps, of course):

You. Are. A. Healer.

And when I spluttered, Me?! But how?!, Dr. Divi reiterated:

Not ‘How’. Let me spell this out for you: You ARE! ALREADY!! A Healer!

[dramatic pause for insights to sink in… followed by yet another instance of me not understanding] But no, seriously– how?? What kind of healer? What does that even mean?

(At this point, I’m sure Dr. Divi was connecting psychically to The Universe in mild exasperation, saying, Still nothing! She’s not getting it! Um, how else can we put this?)

Then, finally, words that clicked:

Don’t restrict the form. Let everything you do or say be healing.

Oohhhhhh….

This is me opening up like a dahlia...

This is me opening up like a dahlia to healing…

To be continued once more…

 

*I so, totally wish that Juliet had a website set up, because I would send everyone I know to her in droves. Alas… this is not the case just yet.

 

23 responses

  1. I love this…you give me strength by making me laugh about your foibles…which are similar but not identical to my own (we all have foibles, right? we all feel too small for the life we are given sometimes!)…which makes me feel okay about my own issues…so I’d say, yes you are a healer…at work!

    • Thanks, Cindy! I agree that most (if not all) of us go through periods where we feel too small to walk the path that unfolds in front of us. However, I keep coming across quotes from A Course in Miracles, and those words keep reminding me not to focus on my own feelings of ‘not being ready’ and focus instead on god’s/the universe’s eternal readiness. If I can be a willing channel for what wishes to flow through me, then awesome! If not, well, I can keep learning… over and over again. 🙂

  2. Whoa, I feel like I could’ve written this post! I’m going through a similar transformation. Yes–you are a healer! You were meant for this.

    Oh how I would love to see my astrological chart, so cool. I did have a psychic reading last month and she pretty much told me I’ll be in the holistic field and start up my own business helping others (I already knew this)

    How’s this for spooky coincidence? So I’m starting up my own Reiki practice (wondering how in the world I can make this work…) and last night was creating my own business cards and website, both featuring purple flowers. Then I see your post this morning. I suppose we both just have to trust the signs the universe sends us and everything will work out like it’s supposed to.

    Best of luck to you Dana, but I don’t think you’ll need it. You’ll be an amazing healer.

    • I LOVE COINCIDENCES!! (And psychics!) Maybe this cosmic overlap is a sign for both of us to just take a deep breath and put ourselves out there? Finally? Yes? Yes.

      I just received my Reiki Level I attunement last week. OMG- so cool! (Marty laughed because he has wanted me to get attuned for the entire 11 years that we’ve known each other. Hahaha– I’m a bit of a turtle in the pace department, but better late than never!)

      And finally– you are an amazing healer NOW, Darla. (Even though I seem to have a tough time coming to grips with this for myself, I have zero problems recognizing the healing capacity in others. You’ve got it going on, Darla!)

    • Isn’t it, though? I kept going in circles, wondering what specific “sort” of healer I was/should be. When Dr. Divi told me not to restrict myself (so obvious in retrospect!), suddenly I remembered that I had spent all of university in an interdisciplinary program, pulling bits and pieces from all sorts of fields– anthropology, sociology, psychology, biology, communications, history, etc. I didn’t seem to restrict myself back then, so it’s funny how fixated I was on becoming Dana: Specific Healing Modality Woman. 😉

    • Thanks, Robin! I felt really nervous publishing this post, as I still haven’t settled 100% into my healer-ship. However, I’m learning more and more to put my own fears aside and to let whatever wants to come out through me do just that! 🙂

  3. I think I must’ve gone to the same martial art school as you 🙂

    As with others, that phrase “Let everything you do or say be healing.” rings so true. We like to put the enormity of it on our shoulders (so we can lug it around and analyse it some more?) but the reality is, we heal everyday. Giving a child a cuddle when they’ve grazed their knee, watering a plant, smiling at a stranger, feeding yourself nutritious food. It’s all healing, but, but, but etc etc ad nauseium.

    Love ya, you bundle of light x

    • Glad to know I’m not the only slow one around here! Fun fact: my friends way back in high school even called me “Slo-Dana”. (Well, they actually called me “Slo-Lln”, but I’m not even going to try explaining how I ended up with the vowel-less nickname “Lln”. Save that for another day, maybe!)

  4. Yes, yes, and being a healer is about just that—being, not doing! At least that’s my take.

    So, yeah, I’ve been gone all summer. We moved across town but just got our internet two days ago–I kid you not! LONGGGGG STORY!

    Hope we see you all in Cuenca soon! Are you still coming?

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

  5. Dana, you may be one of those people who can never fit into a niche or category. Perhaps the Universe has something bigger in mind for you than a job or career. For years I begged God and Spirit and Gitche Manitou for clarity around all this. (I was sure I was meant to be a psychologist or counselor or healer). Perhaps the person you are meant to heal is yourself. And in healing yourself…well…everyone else is healed just by your presence. (On the other hand I sometimes have difficulty with the word ‘healing’ because it implies that we’re broken.) What if we simply discover that who we really are is what we’ve been searching for all the time? Sorry, just kinda sharing parts of my journey randomly here. Love to you!

  6. Pingback: The Call: Part 3 | zona pellucida

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