What the Heck is a Zona Pellucida, Anyway?

After years of secrets and speculation, I am finally breaking my silence on that age-old question:

What does ‘zona pellucida’ mean?

Ha. Unless you majored in Biology, you might not know that the zona pellucida is a distinct component of a woman’s egg. And unless you love symbolism and seeking deeper meanings for everything (like I do!), you might not realize that the zona pellucida has many levels of meaning to adore and be enchanted by, on both literal and figurative levels. Bless.

You can read all about my devotion to zona pellucida– as an entity, a name, and a symbolic concept– here. Mysteries: solved. You’re welcome.

–xo, Dana

PS: It’s  totally almost here! My beautiful new website will (or at least should) be running by next week-ish– yeah! Don’t miss the boat on new posts, as I won’t be publishing on this beloved site any longer once the new site is live. (Less confusing that way, methinks.) If you want to stay in the loop, you can sign up for e-mail updates here. (I’ll be using a third party notification service as opposed to the generic WordPress follow/subscribe button, so the only way to keep receiving new posts of mine will be by signing up for the newsletter. Thanks!)

Are You Criticizing Yourself for being Critical of Yourself? (Also: A Sample Coaching Session on Video!)

My Inner Critic about to scoot down a kid’s slide at Universal Studios. For the record: Marty was planning to slide down *with* me in a 2-person, choo-choo train formation. However, before he was able to link legs with me, I slipped out of his reach, yelping like a surprised puppy as I tore down that slide like nobody’s business. Alas. I skinned my elbow on the way down AND shot out of the bottom of the slide, legs straight out, before landing flat on my butt. Thankfully, nobody saw me. Phew! But I digress…

Do you judge yourself for being judgmental? Are you layering blame and nastiness onto more blame and nastiness? Are you practically in a competition with yourself, racing to see how much guilt, shame, criticism, judgment, blame, and insults you need to dole out before you’ll effectively be “motivated” to change?

Please, pull up a seat and join the club.

As intelligent, perceptive, and competent women, we “know better” than to judge ourselves. We’ve read about the ego, we understand the origins and consequences of fear-based thinking, and we certainly “know better” than to indulge our inner critic. We’re familiar with the concept of self-love, we accept the need to shift away from perfectionism and to embrace our imperfections… but then? Maybe we make a mistake and chastise ourselves for “knowing better” than that. Or perhaps we fall off the diet wagon (again) and then raise our hands to the heavens in frustration. I know better than this!, we rage. Why do I keep sabotaging myself, even though I know better?

Here’s the thing (and I suggest you print this next sentence out and possibly have it tattooed on your body… ideally somewhere highly visible):

Telling yourself you “know better” doesn’t actually make you FEEL better.

In fact, “knowing better” usually makes you feel even worse about yourself, because it adds an extra veneer of judgment onto something that is already pretty raw and tender with criticism. Ouch.

Thankfully, there’s a simple and effective way to put a stop to the endless layers of guilt, judgment, and criticism. As with most of the techniques I share on the blog these days (afformations, anyone?), this one seems totally counter-intuitive at first. However, once you start practicing (and playing with) it regularly, I’m sure you’ll find– as I have in my own life– that it works, period.

Ready? Okay. Picture the scene: You catch yourself being critical for some reason, and then you notice (with a familiar hint of judgment) that you’re criticizing yourself for being critical. You can go one of two ways now:

1. You can criticize yourself… for criticizing yourself… for being critical of yourself. (Um, not recommended.)

-OR-

2. You can accept the parts of you that are feeling critical and judgmental. (Yes, you can.) This is as easy as saying*:

Even though I’m feeling really critical of myself right now, I’m choosing to accept myself and the way I feel.

Ahhhhh… Can you feel the difference that acceptance makes?

Like a breath of fresh air!

*You don’t have to say this out loud, but it totally helps. (For real.)

To illuminate this idea further, and to offer some additional ways to turn down the volume on the nasty voice of our Critical Mind, I thought it would be helpful to share one of the coaching sessions I recorded for a client of mine. This video was sent to her as a one-way stand-in for an actual Skype conversation (thank you, sketchy internet connections!), but I have edited out any identifying or otherwise confidential information about her in this version of the video.

Anyway. This recorded session covers the following topics:

• The defining qualities of our Mind’s Voice (aka the Inner Critic)
• A guided visualization exercise, to allow the Inner Critic time and space to scrutinize our bodies (yes, I realize how counter-intuitive and even sadistic this sounds!)
• The distinguishing characteristics of our Spirit Voice or Source Voice (aka our Inner Guide)
• 3 specific energy medicine techniques that can be used to calm the body’s stress response and to open the door for new perspectives
• An exercise to help you shift away from the Mind’s Voice and towards the Spirit/Source Voice, when it comes to your weight and your body
• What to do if/when you encounter our old friend, Resistance!

Be forewarned: this video is close to 40 minutes long and thus requires more than a fraction of your undivided attention. It’s worth it, though! It will definitely provide you with some practical, easy-to-implement tips that can help you lower stress and self-judgment on a daily basis. As well, it showcases my unique flavor of coaching, which apparently involves a blend of earnestness, silliness, and gigantic hands. (You’ll have to watch the video to understand that last part…)

And just a reminder, if you are interested in partaking in a complimentary coaching session before I start to charge for them on April 1st, please send me an e-mail and we can make arrangements from there.

I hope this article and this video were helpful!      xx –Dana

A Few Words About Resistance

Graffiti in San Francisco

Do you ever wonder if you’re normal, or worry that you’re not?

Does it ever feel like everyone else has uncovered a crucial piece of the Puzzle of Life, but that somehow, this piece will never be made known to you, because you are inherently and fatally flawed in some way?

Luckily, there is a simple, totally objective way to determine how normal you really are:

Step #1: Read this post and take note of the journaling exercise it suggests.

Step #2: React to the prescribed activity in one of the following ways:

a) With violent, full-body resistance! Examples of this reaction include declaring with force that this exercise, in no way, applies to you whatsoever and/or dismissing the author as a total lunatic. (Bonus points for both.)

b) With coolness, mild curiosity, and a vague, fleeting “I should do this… someday” thought. (Note: this is also resistance). Examples of this reaction include ‘getting it!’ on a purely intellectual level, seeing the value of the journaling exercise in an abstract concept kind of way, and even feeling really excited about the exercise but then… not writing down a solitary word.

If these steps apply to you in any way,

Congratulate yourself for being normal. Resistance = Totally Natural. I love it! Then:

Step #3: Read the follow-up post and let some of the core concepts sink in.

Step #4: React to the follow-up post in one of the following ways:

a) Listing 1,001 logical, bulletproof reasons about why these posts supremely, superly-duperly do not apply to you. At all. Whatsoever. Bonus points for scoffing in disgust and/or swiftly hitting the “delete” button in your inbox. Bam!

b) Hedging: Accepting the possibility that these posts might have something valuable or insightful to offer, but then lamenting that you are currently too busy, too stressed, too out of paper and pens, too wanting to buy the perfect journal before you write anything down, and too preoccupied with planning the menu for next year’s Christmas dinner to actually do the writing exercise now. So sorry– my hands are tied! Ahem.

c) Deciding that you are too overweight and too far gone for a stupid journal entry to make a difference, anyway.

d) Confirming internally that you’re not overweight enough to merit worrying about your weight or doing some silly journaling exercise in the first place.  “This is for people who are morbidly obese. That’s totally not me.”

e) Realizing with triumph that the author of these posts is not at her all-time thinnest, and therefore dismissing her ideas as crap. If that journaling exercise worked so well, then why does she still weigh more than 100lbs? AM I RIGHT??! Huh??!

f) Discovering with bitterness that the author of these posts might, in fact, already weigh less than you could even dream about weighing yourself… and therefore dismissing her ideas as crap. Why does *she* care about her weight, anyway? God, I would kill to look like her! We obviously have nothing in common. She can’t help me.

If any of the above scenarios resonate with you, even in the slightest,

Congratulate yourself wholeheartedly for being completely and utterly normal. Hello, Resistance! What a relief!

Resistance is a tricky beast, my dear– one that continually eludes capture and avoids being slain. In contrast to issues that truly have no relevance or personal connection to you, Resistance can easily be identified by the telltale energetic charge it carries within your psyche. Denying something takes energy: that’s a charge. Likewise, suppressing something takes energy. Ignoring something takes energy. Justifying something takes energy. Rationalizing or explaining something away takes energy. Pretending that something doesn’t apply to you (when it does) takes energy. Projecting onto other people takes energy. (In contrast, things that really, honestly, cross-your-heart don’t relate to you simply don’t relate, without you having to push, pull, or otherwise expend energy to fashion them into a desired shape. You simply report on these things, like a meteorologist reports on today’s weather. “Is it raining outside?” “Yup.” No charge of resistance, see?)  

You might have experienced some Resistance when reading my two previous posts (which are here and here, in case you resisted clicking on the links I inserted earlier in this post. Heh.) This Resistance might have been directed outward– wondering why I’m posting these sorts of essays now and longing for the amusing, easily digestible tales I used to post. (I just want to read about cats and rainbows, OK? Is that too much to ask?) Or, this Resistance might have been directed inward, my words landing close to home and more than a little too close for comfort. Yikes, I don’t even want to go there. That’s okay, too.

Resistance seems to make so much darn sense most of the time, especially when it comes to exploring intimate and personal topics such as our bodies and what they weigh. Gulp. Resistance cautions us: Wait. Why would we put ourselves out there? Why would we risk being hurt? How can we know for sure that this Dana girl knows what she’s talking about? How can we guarantee that this journaling exercise even works? We’ve all been burned before– over-trusting, over-sharing, over-laying-our-hearts-on-the-line and over-having-them-crushed-by-people-we-thought-would-never-hurt-us. We’ve tried so many things. We’ve been disappointed so many times. And why should this so-called “journaling exercise” be any different?

I get it.

Listen. If a part of you connects with what I’ve been saying about weight (even a small, timid part of you), but another (BIG) part of you feels resistant, worried, overwhelmed, or even scared about moving in the direction of a more intuitive, self-exploratory, non-dieting approach to your body, please be gentle with yourself. There is no need to make yourself wrong for feeling a totally normal emotion, and that’s all Resistance is. First of all, you’re not the only person who feels this way or has ever felt this way. You’re normal, remember? Hooray! And secondly, it might be helpful to know that I had my own experiences feeling eleventeen hundred shades of resistance when I started this conscious weight loss journey, too. (You can read about my “Oh sh*t!” moment here.)

Anyway. As promised, we will start exploring some simple ways to re-train and re-program our core (but limiting) beliefs about weight loss in the next post. I just wanted to take the time to reassure you in the off-chance that you were maybe experiencing some Resistance. (Totally normal!) In the meantime, gently and lovingly check in with your intuition and ask yourself with the utmost kindness,

• Am I experiencing resistance to these concepts, or is there genuinely no energetic charge for me around my weight or body? (Note: Either option is totally fine– just don’t go forcing issues upon yourself if you don’t already have them, please.)
• If I am feeling resistant, can I accept and forgive myself for feeling this way?
• If I am feeling resistant, where in my body does the resistance reside? Can I describe its location, shape, color, temperature, smell, relative weight, or other properties?
• Can I become curious about my resistance?
• Can I open myself up… perhaps… to a different perspective?
• What would support me in exploring a different perspective? How can I open myself up?
  

Until next time, xo. 🙂

Losing Weight is Hard

Hey there! I hope you found last week’s journal exercise illuminating and that you were able to dive deep into your own past experiences losing weight (or at least trying to lose weight). If you missed the last post, you can check it out here and enjoy some quality, free-flow writing time to yourself. It’s all good– I can wait. 🙂

In today’s post, we’re going to tease out some common themes and beliefs around dieting, losing weight, and being healthy in general. These themes popped up in my own example, for sure, but don’t be surprised to see them applying to your own situation as well. (That’s why they’re called “themes” as opposed to “strangely specific elements that apply only to Dana Machacek”. Heh.)

Here’s the deal: what we believe about dieting, weight loss, and health all have a huge impact on our actual experiences. If I believe to the core of my being that a certain food is “good” for me, guess what? My body will most likely process that food with relative ease when I consume it. Likewise, if you’re convinced that you must diet in order to lose weight, and that dieting inevitably means a life sentence of deprivation and sacrifice in the name of smaller pants, well… that’s probably what you’ll experience, too.

Anyway. The reason why it’s so useful to write out your story is because that written account uncovers many of the thoughts and beliefs you hold about food, diets, losing weight, your body, and being healthy in general.  (And those beliefs, in turn, significantly shape your real-life experiences.) It might take some practice and some figurative archaeology to get at the juicy bits of your core beliefs, but once you expose some of the big ideas that you simply take for granted as “truth” or “the way things are”, you’ll find yourself in extremely fertile, deliciously transformative ground.

Yes, as delicious as this!

The first theme I’m going to highlight here applies to any and all answers regarding “the last time I lost weight”, so if you took the time to journal your personal experience, heads up: this core belief applies to you.

Belief #1: I’m not okay the way I am now.

It’s not necessarily an explicit or overt belief, meaning that you might not see those very words glaring out at you from the pages of your journal. However, the very act of going on a diet, trying to exercise more, deciding to count your calories, or vowing to cut out “bad” foods from your eating plan suggests that something needs to change in order for you to feel good about yourself. This also (obviously) implies a lack of self-acceptance or self-love for the way you are right now.

Deep breath. This feeling is natural. (Disheartening, yes, but totally natural.)

The theme of “I’m not okay” is an insidious one, because it’s often disguised under the glossy-haired, pearly white cloak of self-improvement, and what could possibly be wrong with wanting to be healthy or trying to manage diseases and health issues? Nothing! But if you withhold love, acceptance, and care from yourself until some indeterminate point in the future when you can finally prove to yourself that you’ve ‘earned it’– sweetheart, you’re setting yourself up for an ongoing war with yourself. And life is challenging enough without that cursed Self vs. Self battle.

Listen: it’s totally fine to want to make positive changes in your life, to learn, to grow, and to blossom into the most radiant, shimmering version of yourself. I want you to shine so brightly that you illuminate the entire galaxy with your glow! But it’s important to be kind and gentle with yourself from Step #1, too. Losing weight shouldn’t be punishment for your eternal shortcomings or a way to whip your pathetic ass into submission. (How well has that worked out so far?) Instead, think of yourself as a dazzling being already. You’re gorgeous, talented, warm, and magnetic right now, and you can only become more so with each loving step you take in the direction of health.

From now on, consider this your seat: XO, self. I love you already.

Belief #2: Losing weight is hard.

Chances are, your weight loss story featured some variation on the This is Hard! theme. Whether you’ve tried point systems, portion control, food combination rules, counting calories or grams, logging the number of steps you’ve taken, following lists of what’s allowed and what isn’t, skipping meals, breaking large meals into smaller and more frequent snacks, or eliminating entire food groups (carbohydrates, fats, fruits, etc.) from your diet before, you’ve likely bumped up against the belief that Being Healthy Ain’t Easy, Sister.

My personal experiences trying to lose weight definitely impressed upon me that an intricate, scientific, and exquisitely complicated system had to be followed in order to obtain my desired results. Significantly, this system was never something I invented on my own– it was always an external program that I selected and then applied to myself. Also, the idea that I could somehow deviate from the program was unheard of, unless I didn’t mind not losing any weight and therefore totally defeating the purpose of being on a diet in the first place. Ha.

Maybe your story highlighted one of these versions of the “Losing Weight is Hard” belief:

• Dieting is complicated.
• I need to do a whole lotta work in order to see even small changes in my weight.
• There is no room for error when it comes to dieting.
• I have to follow all the rules perfectly, all the time.
• Losing weight is time consuming.
• Dieting is expensive.

This basically sums up how hard it is– dieting is like crawling your way out of your very own grave!

Belief #3: My (in)ability to lose weight is directly tied to my value as a person.  

Here’s where it gets personal. This core belief is tied closely to the This is Hard! theme; however, rather than just dealing with the weight loss process itself, Belief #3 makes evaluations about ourselves based on how well we either adhere to a program or achieve results with that program… or both.

For example, we might feel frustrated with complicated and often contradictory lists of foods that are “good for us/allowed” and “bad for us/not allowed”. Belief #3 takes this a step further, judging us as good and worthy people when we eat the allowed foods but condemning us as bad and terrible people when we eat the foods that aren’t allowed.

Here are some other variations on Belief #3 that you might have noticed in your own answer:

• There is a proven formula for losing weight, and if I can just try hard enough and follow that program correctly, I will see results.
• If I’m not losing weight, I must be doing something wrong.
• If I’m not losing weight, I must not be trying hard enough.
• If I’m not losing weight, there must be something wrong with me.
• I’m bad/stupid/lazy/wrong for eating ________________.
• When the number on the scale goes down, I’m incredible and awesome!
• When the number on the scale goes up, I’m a worthless, no-good, stupid-assed failure!

Keep ’em coming now.

Revisit your story about the last time you lost weight, and try to uncover as many personal beliefs as you can about “what it takes” to lose weight or “the way things are” when it comes to your body, dieting, or being healthy. List them all out as though they were absolute facts or simple song titles:

Dieting is soooooo lame and superficial.

Feminists shouldn’t care about their weight or how they look.

Being overweight runs in my family: it’s genetic.

Being thin attracts unwanted attention.

Restaurants are off-limits when I’m on a diet.

Dieting spells disaster for my social life.

My body will be judged no matter what.

In the next post, we’re going to tackle what you can do with these core beliefs to either lessen their charge or to change and eliminate them completely. It’s usually not enough to just affirm the opposite of these beliefs to yourself. After all, you’re smart and extremely perceptive, and if– after years of believing that weight loss is hard– you suddenly start telling yourself, Losing weight is easy and natural for me!, your subconscious is going to call bullshit immediately. That’s okay– there are ways to work around that, and we’ll discuss some of those methods next week.

PS: Would you like some help distilling your themes and beliefs out of your personal story? If so, I’m happy to book a confidential session with you at no charge. All you need to do is e-mail me and we can set something up together. I’m excited to be working with several women already, but there’s always room for more. Thank you! 🙂