On Intuition, Part 2

In my last post, I stated that one of the most powerful ways to block access to inner guidance is by adhering to a too-rigid idea of what ‘counts’ as intuition. Obviously, I learned this the hard way. Another surefire way to turn our backs on intuition is by resisting the messages we do receive… or by fearing those that we might receive. As Lauren Aletta of Inner Hue states: 

“When we deny our intuitive insight and guidance we are weakening our entire being. We are also actively distrusting ourselves. This begins to create “walls” between ourselves and our higher guidance, blocking further supportive information and insight.”  —Lauren Aletta, Soul School Monthly (February 2015– p. 5), my emphasis added

Um… I have also learned this the hard way.

My cosmic radio dial of attunement!

Etched on my soul somewhere is a figurative radio dial. Let’s pretend that I can turn this dial and consciously tune into whichever energetic station I choose. Let’s also imagine that The Intuition Station is at the far end of the frequencies, meaning I have to turn my dial through a whole lot of other stations before I can reach my preferred, clear and clairvoyant channel.

For many reasons and countless years, in spite of my best intentions, I couldn’t bring myself to turn that dial all the way. Instead, I stayed stuck on the Static, Confusion, and Resistance channels, publicly bemoaning how horrible it was (the noise!), but secretly fearing what might be in store for me if I ever mustered enough courage to tune in fully to my Intuition.

Like many people, I was decidedly scared of what my Intuition might say to me or ‘tell me to do’.

What if it made me shirk all of my worldly possessions (not to mention my beloved husband) and live a life of chastity and monastic poverty? That would be terrible! What if I needed to become a university professor and, for inexplicable reasons, conduct research experiments involving fruit flies and standard deviations? Oh, the horrors! What if my Intuition told me (gulp) to move back to Calgary, Alberta? Ack– I couldn’t handle that! And so– all joking aside– fear kept my radio dial firmly in place, blocking me from receiving my intuitive guidance for decades…

I finally resolved to face my Intuition with bravery– ‘finally’ as in ‘just this January’– choosing to trust that it operates only for my benefit and highest good, nuns and fruit flies notwithstanding. It helped that I had already selected Trust as my word of the year, because I started to ask myself with curiosity, How can I attune myself to the frequency of ‘Trust’? How can I align my actions and my very cells with ‘Trusting’? Part of what came to me through this exploration was the idea of inviting my intuition back in and taking small, resonant actions on the inner guidance I received.

I certainly didn’t want to perpetuate a state of active distrust within myself or to continue rejecting my intuition with force, so I took a deep breath, found some stillness within my heart, and told my Intuition:

I’m ready.

After years of putting up a shield in misguided defense against my intuition, clairvoyant insights didn’t suddenly flood in to my consciousness with a Whooosh! (I might need a little warming up, too, if I was your friend Intuition and I hadn’t been confided in, consulted, or actually listened to for years.) Hazy sensations started to come through relatively quickly, though, and I resolved to heed them as best I could.

One of the biggest nudges I received was to start writing on my blog again. (Also: Consistently.) I was coaxed to ‘pick a topic’ and– after some melodramatic, full-body resistance on my part– I settled on the one theme that actually frightened me the most: conscious weight loss. (Honestly, venturing to write about weight at all represented a gigantic leap of faith on my part, let alone positioning myself as someone who had anything of value to offer in that regard. But I did it, and through the complimentary coaching sessions I’ve led so far, I’ve realized that ‘hey! I can actually be supportive and helpful to women on this path. Who knew?’)

Intuition isn’t static energy, though.

One of the steepest learning curves I’ve encountered on this budding intuitive journey of mine is the need to stay open and flexible to course corrections along the way.

I’m not going to lie: this has not been easy for me. Academically Trained Me is accustomed to setting goals, making plans, and then sticking to the program, come hell or high water. Changing course, to Academic Me, has a bitter flavor to it– a subtle undercurrent of ‘failure’ or ‘being incorrect’, both of which conditions Academic Me fears and abhors.

The true challenge on this path to intuition has been trusting: fiercely, earnestly, and continually. (Go figure, right? I must have intuitively selected Trust as my word of the year after all…) Many of the intuitive nudges I receive either don’t seem to make (logical) sense or they actively fly in the face of conventional wisdom… or both. But I am staying open and being flexible in my approach. (Trying to, at least!)

On a practical level, here are three ways that I have chosen to re-align myself and my budding business, based on the inner guidance I have received:

1. I am expanding my area of focus beyond conscious weight loss in coaching sessions. It didn’t take long (at all) to realize that my soul was feeling boxed in by this singular topic of expertise, so I am now offering coaching on big dreams and gigantic goals in general. (Weight loss is still included in this broader category, just so you know. And yeah. Even though every single business class and book in the world tells you to zero in on a very specific niche, and even though my mind is slightly horrified at the idea of ‘not doing what the teachers recommend’, my spirit needs to fly higher and freer than that. I’d love for you to join me, if this feels like a fit.)

2. As somebody who thrives on communication and soulful connections with others, I can’t believe I am actually saying this next thing: I have decided to close comments on all new posts and pages, at least for the time being. (!!) During meditation, I kept receiving an image of an electrical circuit (a la junior high science class)– but it was one that was leaking energy in a big way. If you showed me an actual electrical circuit diagram today– even a painfully simple one– I doubt I could correctly interpret it, but the message of the image I saw in my mind was clear: I need to close this circuit in order for the energetic current to flow optimally between us. By closing comments on my posts, there will be no pressure or leaks on either end. As a reader, you won’t have to ‘prove’ that you’ve stopped by or feel compelled to validate my words with a comment or a ‘Like’. Ahhhhh….. Feels good, right? As a writer as well, I can express myself more freely and openly, not panning to the comment count or some equally ridiculous measure of ‘success’. Ahhhhhh….. Feels better already. So… yes. Comments are now closed until my intuition lets me know otherwise. 🙂

3. I’m going to start charging for my services! A novel concept, yes? I will still honor complimentary coaching sessions until the end of March for people who’d like to test the waters without necessarily taking the plunge of financial investment. Starting in April, however, I’ll be sticking a big ol’ price tag on my coaching, EFT sessions, and oracle card readings, as a way of honoring myself and the value I’m providing.

Whew! See what happens when you let intuition back in? To summarize, this is what ‘being intuitive’ looks like for me:

• having the courage to open my intuitive channels, even if I am apprehensive about the guidance I might receive
• trusting! (myself, the universe, the process, everything.)
• committing to honoring the messages I receive from my inner guidance, even those (and perhaps especially those) that don’t seem to make ‘sense’ on a logical level
• taking small, aligned actions in the direction of my guidance
• being willing to course-correct as needed

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me! Although comments on new posts are now closed, if you feel compelled to reach out, you can still do so via e-mail, Instagram, or Facebook. Much love to you! xx

On Intuition

One of my biggest goals in life is to become psychic.

Writing it down like that, though– so stark, bald, and unadorned– just sounds wrong. Also, it doesn’t capture the true essence of what it really is I long for.

It’s more accurate to say this:

I yearn to be consciously connected with my highest inner wisdom.

It’s my intention to reclaim my intuitive knowing, as I am– by nature and by birthright– a profoundly intuitive being.

It all starts with a shift in perspective.

Background: I’ve always been fascinated by the metaphysical and intuitive arts, but up until recently, I believed (as many people do) that clairvoyance was a gift that was divinely bestowed upon a select, chosen few. Either you emerged from the womb as a Psychic or you didn’t, period. And even though I accepted the idea that everyone had access to their “intuition”– in a sporadic, lukewarm, pretty vague sort of way– I firmly believed that capital-I Intuition was something different. “Real”, capital-I Intuition wasn’t child’s play. No way, man– it was messages delivered through burning bushes and angels chorusing in your ears. Real Intuition was being able to predict the future, see dead people, and possibly even select winning lottery numbers to boot. In other words, it was P.R.O.F.O.U.N.D.

I loved (and still love) having psychic readings done on myself. I craved (and still crave) access to that slippery, ethereal wisdom. I was even tempted to hire my own, personal Psychic to provide weekly readings for me. #Fact. But one thing I knew for certain was this: I was neither Psychic nor Really Intuitive. I was sensitive, yes. Perceptive, yes. Something bordering on small-i “intuitive”, yes. But magically endowed with supernatural powers of Intuition? Nope. Someone who could accurately answer your burning questions on a Psychic Hotline for $1.99 a minute? Um, definitely not.

Recently, though, my thinking around intuition began to shift.

One of the biggest catalysts for this came during, ahem, an intuitive reading I received from my mom’s doctor, Dr. Divi Chandna. (Oh, the irony…) You see, I consider Dr. Divi to be the Gold Standard of Intuitive Wisdom. She’s practically a fountain of psychic clarity, and I was shocked– nay, flabbergasted— to discover that she had only tapped into these deep intuitive gifts of hers less than a decade ago, while she was in her mid-thirties. You mean she wasn’t born with it?, my mind ventured in disbelief.   

Oh, but she was, came the answer from Divi herself. All of us are born intuitive, in fact, but many (if not most) of us disconnect from our intuition early on, as a subconscious strategy to keep us “safe” as we are growing up, whether that safety is figurative or literal. She went on to tell me that I was actively intuitive when I was 3-4 years old, but that gradually, I learned to disconnect from my intuitive wisdom as a strategy to help me excel in school (where psychic information wasn’t exactly compatible and/or encouraged). I further disowned my intuitive nature during highly taxing periods in my life, such as when my parents divorced in 1999, during my entire Masters’ Degree (2004-06), and when I experienced a miscarriage in 2006.

Hmm…

The psychic learning and paradigm-shifting continued. Next up: as I was browsing aimlessly on Amazon one day (come on, you know you do it too), I happened upon a book with the title All Women Are Psychics. ‘All women?’, I wondered aloud. ‘Does that mean me, too?’ (Note: I didn’t actually order or read this book. I think that the title alone served a valuable purpose for me, by causing me to question some of the deeply-held beliefs I carried about psychics and who could qualify as one.) (Also, I should mention that I automatically expanded upon this title in a mental Note to Self, deciding that, in fact, Everyone Is Psychic. How did I make this gigantic mental leap? Well, I saw the title and immediately thought to myself, “All Women, and Marty, Are Psychics”. Then I realized how absurd it would be for all women but only one, solitary man to be psychic. Hence, everyone is psychic.)

Anyway. Back to paradigm shifting! Most recently (i.e. last Wednesday, the date of the new moon), I excitedly plunged into the February edition of Soul School Monthly, which– in case you don’t already know– is a brilliant, wildly on the mark (and free!) series of e-books written by the astonishing Lauren of Inner Hue. A new edition on a different soulful topic is released every month on the new moon, and this month’s series is not-so-coincidentally dedicated to Intuition. Huh.

Without going into too much detail now (in case you decide to subscribe to Inner Hue and want to be amazed by the insights that come out of your own journaling experience), I realized with crystal clarity that I have been blocking my own intuition on an alarmingly consistent basis, simply by holding a much too narrow and rigid definition of “what counts” as intuition. I discovered with pure shock and amazement that all of these insights have been flowing into my life, practically all the time. However, because these insights haven’t been accompanied by angelic fanfare or been delivered to me with a note that says “Dear Dana: Here’s some perfect, totally unambiguous, and 100% official Intuitive Wisdom for you. Love, God“, I’ve been quick to dismiss or otherwise discredit them. (And, in so doing, I’ve been dismissing myself as an intuitive person! For shame!)

It’s funny (and yes, horrifying) to realize how blind I have been to my own intuition for so long. All these years, I have been searching vainly outside of myself, admiring and even feeling envious of people who have their intuitive shizz together, so to speak. I’ve wanted so badly to be like these psychics and intuitive masters, positively aching to uncover the “secret piece” that would allow me to join their exclusive club. And all this time… I’ve been intuitive without even knowing it. Psychic Sneak Attack!

So. In regards to my “wanting to become psychic” life goal… I am totally on track! I’m positively oozing with gratitude and appreciation to have (finally) come to this realization last week. Would I feel confident hanging a “Dana M., Psychic” shingle outside my door? Haha– not quite yet. However, I feel leaps and bounds more connected on a cosmic level than I did a few days ago, and I owe it all to a simple– yet profound– shift in perspective. (And to Lauren. We can’t forget Lauren and her Soul School Monthly!)

If, like me, you love the idea of “being intuitive” but currently feel stuck in your head and/or totally disconnected from your inner wisdom, here’s what I would lovingly suggest: change your definition of intuition. Based on my recent personal experiences, I can say with confidence that this exercise is the easiest thing you can try that will yield the greatest, most noticeable results. Suddenly, you’ll discover that you’re an Intuitive Powerhouse! Seriously: Why not let everything ‘count’ as intuition?

xx, Dana

My “Oh Sh*t” Moment

We’ve all heard of (and likely experienced) “Aha!” moments, right? Aha moments are awesome; through them, difficult, tangled-up issues can be unraveled with ease and solutions to long-standing problems suddenly seem self-evident, like they’ve been there all along.

Recently, I’ve experienced the exact opposite of an “Aha!” moment. I like to call it my “Oh Sh*t!” moment. Oh, sh*t, indeed. Picture the scene:

I’ve been feeling apprehensive and ungrounded lately, like I’ve been walking in ill-fitting shoes. As excited as I am to go to nutrition school in the fall, I’ve also been silently/secretly berating myself for gaining back all of the weight I lost on my food sensitivity diet. (What kind of holistic nutritionist gains weight? What kind of holistic nutritionist is preoccupied with her weight in the first place?) I’ve been feeling like a fraud for pursuing this path while I’m not at ‘my best’ in the physical sense. I’ve weighed less before. I’ve fit into slimmer jeans before. I’ve felt leaner and more energetic before. I’ve eaten cleaner foods before.  I’ve looked “more holistic” before, whatever the eff that means.

To make matters worse, I’ve been hyper-critical of myself… for being critical of myself. (I know. WTF?) Every time I catch myself feeling sluggish or heavy, and every time I steal a furtive glance at the pants which function more like a full-torso tourniquet now, my Inner Judge pulls out the “starving children in Africa” spiel. You know the type:

Who are you to be concerned about your weight?

You’re not obese or even significantly overweight! Many people would kill to fit into your jeans! Your BMI is normal! Every pie chart, bell curve, and graph in the doctor’s office puts you solidly at ‘where you should be for your height and weight’, so what exactly is your complaint? (PS: I thought you were a feminist!)

or:

Your problems are so trivial in comparison to the rest of the world’s issues.

Think of starving children! Think of Africa! Think of AIDS and genocide and war and many other terrible things. Who are you to complain about not fitting into skinny jeans? Pfft…

Is this seriously all you care about? Fitting into those pants? REALLY?

My mind was all a-chatter and my spirit felt uneasy and conflicted. I wasn’t sure how to get unstuck or how to move forward without feeling inauthentic or like a raging Negative Nancy.

So I asked for help.

I sent an earnest S.O.S. out into the Universe. “Please, Universe– show me how to be comfortable in my skin and how to think loving and accepting thoughts about myself. Please point me to the right path. Please open up the necessary doors. Love, Dana”

Lo and behold, a book fell into my lap (or rather, I suddenly discovered a book at the public library the very next day). I knew this book was the Perfect Book For Me To Read, because a tiny voice inside my heart said “Yes! Here it is!”, but the bellowing voice of my ego yelled,

Oh, sh*t!

Ah, yes. Enter the Oh Sh*t Moment. This book is called “A Course in Weight Loss” and is written by Marianne Williamson. Based on the principles of “A Course in Miracles”, this book offers 21 lessons in how to move from fear to love when it comes to our bodies and the food we choose to feed them. It’s not about forcing our bodies to eat certain foods, adhere to a particular calorie count, or to exercise a certain number of minutes at a certain level of intensity each day. Instead, it’s about tackling the stickier, spiritual aspects of ourselves that often get lodged in our physical bodies as aches, pains, or extra weight. Sludgy things like guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, and hurt. Now, I know what you’re thinking because I thought it, too:

Oh, sh*t!

As soon as my ego saw that hard work would be involved– that I couldn’t just find a new diet to try or follow a new list of foods that could or couldn’t be eaten– it rebelled in a big way. ‘Oh, sh*t!!!!’, it screamed. That, and the even classier “Eff you, Marianne Williamson!!!” First, it tried delay tactics:

“We probably shouldn’t start on Lesson 1 until our lives are free from all chaos, appointments, To Do Lists, chores, distractions, work, and other life activities (even pleasant ones).”

In other words: never.

The next tactic was to speed through everything:

“I have an idea! We love to learn, so let’s just skim through the whole book at breakneck speed and absorb all of the insights and knowledge through painless osmosis! We can read through all the lessons in advance and make rational, intellectual decisions about which activities (if any) are most applicable to our unique situation. We are so special, though, I would be surprised if anything in this book applies to us personally at all…”

In other words: let’s go through the motions but not do any real work. Ever.

To my surprise and delight, though, I made it through Lesson One, dear readers. Yes I did! It took me two full weeks, not to mention all of my courage, strength, and determination. (I jest… but not really.) I had to wrestle with my mind and train my hand to actually write everything down as the Lesson suggested. It also took a healthy dose of patience to not skip ahead and read Lesson Two (just so I would ostensibly “know what was coming up”). I did it, though, and am now halfway through Lesson Two (without even peeking ahead to Lesson Three! Go, me!)

I know that some people do well with meal planning, pedometers, bathroom scales, and measuring cups when it comes to trimming down and shaping up. (Heck, I do well with those sorts of things but always end up back where I started– i.e., heavier than I want to be and feeling guilty or anxious about food.) Something inside of me just keeps saying, though, “Information is not enough. Knowing about vitamins and minerals is not enough. Healthy food is important, but a healthy spirit matters, too.”

And so here I am: embarking on the harder, more taxing, but potentially more rewarding work of checking myself before I wreck myself. I’m taking my “Oh, sh*t” moment and hoping to turn it into a lasting “Aha!”

I’ll be honest– the process is freaking me out because I’m turning over a lot of psychic stones that I thought were better left undisturbed. Control issues. Insecurities. Buried resentments. Shame. I’m examining a lot of my core beliefs and questioning why I am the way I am, and why I do things the way I do. (Thankfully, the Universe also dropped another book in my lap to help me cope with my feelings of alarm, panic, and overwhelm. While we’re on the topic, I highly recommend Nick Ortner’s “The Tapping Solution” to help put a positive, manageable spin on Issues That Seem Too Big To Handle.)

 Anybody else here struggle with weight issues?

How do you get to a place of love and acceptance for yourself?

How do you silence your own inner critic, regardless of whether it’s weight-related or not?

I’d love to hear from you, and thank you in advance for sharing your insights!