Congratulations– you bought a yacht! Welcome to the How The Heck Can I Spend My Millions of Dollars? club!
As the proud owner of a new yacht, you’re probably making some tough decisions, such as:
- Where will I moor this gorgeous babe?
- What prestigious races will I compete in?
- Should I learn how to sail or just hire a reputable yacht crew to handle all of the pesky sea-faring details?
- Will I wear pink polo shirts and white tennis shorts on deck, or will I go for the gold suit and ultramarine dress shirt combo as a tribute to the fabulous Simon LeBon?
Hold on there, fella!
Before anything else can happen, you’ve got to name your yacht. Yes! She needs a name! You’ve got to register her! Sure, it was easy to spend the $750K+ to get your yacht in the first place, but that doesn’t mean it will be “smooth sailing” choosing a name. (Get it- sailing? Yacht? Little bit of filthy rich humor for you there.) Anyway. To guide you down the path of choosing the perfect name for your perfect, perfectly expensive yacht, the club has compiled a list of existing yacht names and grouped them into several categories on your behalf. Remember, all of the names listed below have already been registered* to other yacht owners, so if there’s one that really jumps out at you, try adding a “II” to the end and go from there…
Yacht-Naming Tactic #1: Go for something pretty!
Everyone loves a boat with an ethereal or nature-y sounding name. Naming your boat after a river or a woodland creature lets people know that you’re more than just a sack of dusty money– you care about the environment, too!
- Prairie Dancer
- Fragile Habitat
Yacht-Naming Tactic #2: Name it after your mother, girlfriend, or wife
What woman wouldn’t be flattered to have an expensive, sleek, and sophisticated yacht bear her name? (NB- People who marry just for love: you only wish a yacht could be named after you.)
- Red Sheilla
Yacht-Naming Tactic #3: Sound tough!
You’re not just a pretty boy with perfect teeth and pleated pants, are you? No– you’re strong! You’re manly! Well… even if you’re whisper thin and cry during so-called ‘chick flicks’, you can still create a facade of masculinity by naming your yacht something bold.
- Freedom X
Yacht-Naming Tactic #4: Play on words!
People will love you for your intelligence, wit, and clever use of the English language. Naming your yacht something snappy proves that you’re more than just an 8- or 9-figure Swiss bank account… you’re a Harvard educated 8- or 9-figure Swiss bank account. 🙂
Yacht-Naming Tactic #5: Be honest
OK, so maybe forking over 2 million dollars for your 50′ yacht wasn’t exactly easy. Let people know this by forever naming your boat after your money woes!
Yacht-Naming Tactic #6: Leave some breathing room
Some names have double meanings or leave room for interpretation. Think of what would happen if you named your yacht after your girlfriend and later broke up with her. Awkward! To avoid potentially uncomfortable situations like this, it’s wise to name your yacht something more, um, open-ended.
- Family Affair (could mean that you sail with your sons… or that you’re leaving the door open to cheat on your wife)
- New Beginnings I (it’s easy to tack on extra “I”s in the event that your relationship(s) don’t work out)
Yacht-Naming Tactic #7: Confuse people!
Who says that filthy rich yacht owners don’t know how to have fun? Why not christen your boat with a name that will have everyone scratching their heads and thinking WTF??
- Free Bowl of Soup
- Baaad Kitty!
Yacht-Naming Tactic #8: Add some sass to your class
If all else fails, why not name your yacht something sassy? If you like cats, too, why not display your affection for them by including a feline reference in your yacht’s name as well?
- Cat Sass (Note: can also fall under the Play on Words and WTF?? categories, especially if your yacht happens to be a catamaran.)
Hopefully this handy reference guide has helped you think of potential names for your new yacht. Remember, all of these yacht names are already taken, but there’s nothing stopping you from registering Doe-Sea-Doe or Stinky Cat Sass. Good luck!
*Yacht names compiled from the actual 2012 Swiftsure International Yacht Race list of registrants. (The Swiftsure Race takes place in Victoria every US Memorial Day weekend.) Disclaimers: No offense intended. Stereotypes of yacht owners were unfairly exaggerated for the purpose of this post. Don’t worry, Swiftsure racers– we know you’re not all preppy pretty boys with rich daddies and a penchant for Dockers. Besides, you know I’m just jealous. 🙂
If you want to read more tongue-in-cheek mini-essays about yachts, why not re-visit last year’s Swiftsure post, where I chronicled Marty’s re-enactment of the classic Duran Duran Rio music video? Do eet!
PS: All of the photos in this post (with the exception of Mr. LeBon aboard the amazing Rio) were taken by Marty during last year’s Swiftsure International Yacht Race. Please don’t use them without permission and/or proper credit!