Ah, riding the ferry! Nothing but sparkles of sunshine on the water and long, sweet line-ups to the indoor cafeteria for $12 paninis. Sounds like paradise, right? WRONG!
I hate to be the one to burst your bubble of bliss, but don’t you know that GIANTS are lurking in the shadowy caverns of the ferry hull, waiting until everyone returns to their vehicles to pounce? (Not that Giants ‘pounce’– they are too large and lumbering for that– but you get the idea. They are waiting to kill you while you are innocently waiting for the ferry to dock!)
Need proof? An actual, official warning sign from the vehicle deck on board BC Ferries:
One minute, the cars are safe and sound, parked within 12 inches of each other. The next minute, though? WHAMMO! Out pops a Giant, towering over the vehicles and waving a leg of wildebeest in rage! His torso is like a glowing furnace of fury! He’s even wearing red Oven Mitts of Doom!! Noooooooo!!! (Car #1 is lucky to escape, no? Even if that “escape” is straight into a watery grave from the not-yet-docked ferry.) I feel sorry for the people in Car #2, though. They are total goners… or at the very least, their windshield will get all greasy from the meat dribbles. Fact.
I love Seattle. I love its zany architecture, crazy ass hill climbs, scenic views, and even its weather. It’s been so awesome having several weeks to explore this city (penthouse living, baby– yeah!), mainly so we can discover random gems like this one:
Quick! RUN FOR COVER!! Baby’s gonna blow!
This is not just any restroom sign. It’s a full-scale, life-sized, labor-intensive tiled mosaic that not-so-discretely lets visitors know where they can do their business at the famed Pike Place Market. I haven’t pictured the ‘mom’ part of the mosaic in this particular photo, but I can assure you she’s pretty casual looking. The Girl Child, on the other hand, seems to have more of an, um, urgent spring in her step, and the Dad? Well. I think that Dad has a Diaper Emergency on his hands… literally, from the looks of it.
I’m just picturing the commissioning process for this mural:
Pike Place Market: We need you to lay some tile downstairs. Huge mural. It’s going to be brilliant. The baby needs to be at arm’s length from the dad. I’m talking Dad Arms at 90-degrees. Everyone except mom needs to be breaking into a run.
Artist: Um, okay?
Pike Place Market: Make sure the Girl Child is almost as tall as an adult female. Dad needs to be a freaking giant. Baby will do a superhero pose– it’s going to be awesome.
Artist: And you’ll pay me?
Pike Place Market: Of course! We value all artists here in Seattle!
Artist: In that case, show me that cash money and hand me the grout.
Love you, Seattle!
You know, even during all those months when I wasn’t blogging, I was still taking photos of random signs like I was going to blog about them. I knew I would eventually, and it turns out that “eventually” means about six or seven months. Ahem. Allow me to present the first sign:
Who’s having fun NOW, Universe? HUH?!
Marty and I saw this sign when we went to Chemainus, town of famous* murals here on Vancouver Island. (*I don’t know if the murals are Famous-famous, but the town’s ubiquitous marketing sure leads Vancouver Islanders to believe in the murals’ prominence on the world’s tourism stage).
Anyway. I didn’t even see one mention of this particular “mural” in any of the brochures. You would think that poop would be headline news, especially if it was closing out. (And on sale, at that!) Nope. No mention. No warnings. This sign totally caught us off guard on the way into town– it’s actually the first sign you see en route to the Famous-famous murals. (I’m sure town council would be thrilled to know this.)
It was only when we were leaving Chemainus that we realized it was the “Pro Shop” that was going out of business. (Insider tip: Check the back of signs you don’t understand. Chances are, the answer you seek is there.)
It’s kinda nice to pretend that the poop is closing out still. Pro shop going out of business? BORING!
Gotta love the sign bombers with the humor of a 4-year old, right? (And the people who insist that their husbands pull over on the side of the highway, stop the car, and idle for a few minutes while their wives take a photo of said potty humor sign. It needed to be done. FOR THE SAKE OF THE INNER CHILD IN ALL OF US!) Having fun with potty humor? Check! I’m feeling better already!
Wow. I’ve been so lost and out of touch! Blogs and blogging just haven’t been high on the priority list lately, even though I’ve been secretly stalking a bunch of random websites. Whoops! 🙂
I’ll keeping things short and sweet this morning. It’s a work day. Harbour season has been ramping up. You know the drill, right? First up: a menu item we didn’t order:
Next up: a wee post on my other site. I’ll be gearing things up again soon. Mostly over there. But I miss you guys here, too.